http://jamieleigh80.blogspot.com
Friday, May 18, 2012
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
So here we are....
A month out, and things are rocky, but falling into place. Will has moved out, though he still has some things here, which I am working on removing. Work is picking up, thankfully, so no more being stuck in the office. Somehow I feel that things are looking up, though at times it might always seem like it. Just have to keep looking forward...
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Closure...
I've been thinking a lot, as I approach the end of my marriage, about closure on things. And I'm thinking that it might be time to find a final resting place for Patrick's ashes. I have such lovely things to remember her by, and then a little ceramic box sitting next to those things, with a plastic baggie full of... her. That piece is a downer. I've been afraid to scatter her ashes, afraid that whereever I choose to do it, I'd end up moving, not be able to go there, and that scares me.
This might sound like a crazy idea, but I am entertaining the notion of taking little amounts of her ashes, and scattering them in places that have good meaning for me. Places that I might have wanted to share with her, things like that. Is that odd?
This might sound like a crazy idea, but I am entertaining the notion of taking little amounts of her ashes, and scattering them in places that have good meaning for me. Places that I might have wanted to share with her, things like that. Is that odd?
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Starting this post again....
I've started this post countless times over the last few days, always wanting to let it out, but not quite sure how to say it. So, direct is best.
Will and I are divorcing. It is, obviously, a long story that remains private, but I'm posting this because this means that this blog will change significantly.
That's pretty much all I care to say about it, at this point.
Will and I are divorcing. It is, obviously, a long story that remains private, but I'm posting this because this means that this blog will change significantly.
That's pretty much all I care to say about it, at this point.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Last day of 30...
A year ago today, I was upset. I was about to turn 30. My friends were all in their 20’s. I admit, I was one of those people, I feared it.
But you know what, 30? You actually taught me a lot.
I learned that standing up for yourself is a great thing, but not everyone will like it. People will alienate you for it. But you’re better off without those people.
I learned that judging a book by its cover is something I definitely need to do less of, because
I could have missed out on some awesome people, had I continued to let my preconceived notions get in the way.
I learned that it IS possible to look back on hard times and smile. Maybe not every day, but most days.
I learned that what I want, what I need in life, needs to come first. I can’t be happy with others, if I am not happy with myself.
I learned that, even at 30, high school drama still exists.
I learned that I can have wrinkles on my face, and still be beautiful.
I learned that even when you think you know it all, there is still someone out there who can tell you you’re wrong, without hurting you.
I learned that sometimes, you just have to give in and let yourself be supported for a change.
I am absolutely blessed in life, surrounded by good people, and while it took some struggles to get here, I know it’s where I am meant to be.
So, you know what, 30? I started off hating you, but actually, I think I’ve fallen in love with you. Sadly, our time is over. But I hear your buddy, 31, ain’t so bad. Guess I’ll give him a spin for a year or so.
But you know what, 30? You actually taught me a lot.
I learned that standing up for yourself is a great thing, but not everyone will like it. People will alienate you for it. But you’re better off without those people.
I learned that judging a book by its cover is something I definitely need to do less of, because
I could have missed out on some awesome people, had I continued to let my preconceived notions get in the way.
I learned that it IS possible to look back on hard times and smile. Maybe not every day, but most days.
I learned that what I want, what I need in life, needs to come first. I can’t be happy with others, if I am not happy with myself.
I learned that, even at 30, high school drama still exists.
I learned that I can have wrinkles on my face, and still be beautiful.
I learned that even when you think you know it all, there is still someone out there who can tell you you’re wrong, without hurting you.
I learned that sometimes, you just have to give in and let yourself be supported for a change.
I am absolutely blessed in life, surrounded by good people, and while it took some struggles to get here, I know it’s where I am meant to be.
So, you know what, 30? I started off hating you, but actually, I think I’ve fallen in love with you. Sadly, our time is over. But I hear your buddy, 31, ain’t so bad. Guess I’ll give him a spin for a year or so.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Faith...
I got into a discussion with a friend a few days ago, about faith. I'm not an Atheist by any means, but definitely unsure of my faith, which was only further wounded by losing Patrick.
This friend, B, told me that it was pointless to be angry with God. And that simple sentence made me think about things. That I needed to stop looking at it as such a horrible thing, a punishment, stop beating myself up wondering what I did to deserve that. That I need to realize that having faith isn't always about having the answers. That sometimes, the plan laid out for us will include things that we will possibly never understand, but that will ultimately benefit us in some way.
I still question that faith almost daily, but it's a much more peaceful questioning since then. Hopefully, I can continue down a path that will allow me to make peace with Him, because He DID give me a beautiful daughter, even if only for a few moments.
This friend, B, told me that it was pointless to be angry with God. And that simple sentence made me think about things. That I needed to stop looking at it as such a horrible thing, a punishment, stop beating myself up wondering what I did to deserve that. That I need to realize that having faith isn't always about having the answers. That sometimes, the plan laid out for us will include things that we will possibly never understand, but that will ultimately benefit us in some way.
I still question that faith almost daily, but it's a much more peaceful questioning since then. Hopefully, I can continue down a path that will allow me to make peace with Him, because He DID give me a beautiful daughter, even if only for a few moments.
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