It's been awhile...

I haven't updated this blog in well over 6 months. Mostly because I connected it with my Facebook account, and didn't want to drive my friends nuts everytime a new entry was put in my newsfeed. But, oh well.

I've recently (well, 3 months ago) started a new position at the same company, but this one involves travel. So, here I am, sitting in a hotel room in Springfield, MO.

Things I have learned today (day 1 of my trip):

- O'Hare airport's security takes forEVER. (I knew this, but had it reaffirmed today.)

- Somehow, EVERY time I fly, my plane is at the last gate in the terminal. EVERY time. How can that happen? EVERY time??

- Cherry limeade might be my new favorite drink.

- Taco Bell for dinner at 11:15p.m. is pretty depressing.

I miss my pup, and my kitties, and most of all, I miss my husband. I always somehow forget how much I hate sleeping alone, until I have to do it again.

I had a moment on the plane today where I thought about Patrick, about what it would be like now if she had lived. We'd be coming up on her second Christmas. And I don't know that I would have this job, considering the travel. It's been almost two years since we lost her, and it hurts just as bad now as it ever did.

Time to get a few hours sleep before heading to the install tomorrow. We have to be there at 7:00a.m., so to get breakfast in first, we're meeting in the lobby at 5:45a.m. What a god-awful hour.

One more night...

Tomorrow is my March for Babies, in memory of Patrick, and I can't say I'm not a little sad.

That's about all I have to say right now.

Oh my... someone save me...

I'm seriously in the mood to kill someone, gut them, eat their entrails, and then cry for being fat. People's voices are like fingernails on a chalkboard, EVERYONE'S voices. I want to hide in a corner and bawl. This had better be a side effect of the drugs. Because right now I feel like this:



Mixed with this:



Oh, and did I mention if I don't somehow obtain a hot fudge sundae sometime in the next 10 minutes, I will most likely break down in sobs and have to be carted away.

Either the drugs are finally showing their side effects, or I'm LOSING MY F-ING MIND!

Well, tomorrow's the day....

First of all, before I forget, hey, FACEBOOK PEOPLE READING THIS!! It's being cross posted from my blog, at http://babyoliverblog.blogspot.com If you'd like to continue reading my random posts, you'll need to subscribe there, as I'm going to soon be moving the blog to another location and it won't be linked to FaceBook anymore.

As for what's new... Final dose of Clomid tomorrow, and the go ahead on baby dancing, if you will. I'm terrified.

That's all, for now.

March of Dimes...

I'll be walking this year, on April 25th, in a March of Dimes walk locally, and I'm asking for your help! Check out my team page!

Now that we've passed my day of mourning...

...let's look ahead, shall we?

First of all, if you've been reading for a bit, you know that I have had multiple problems with my OB/GYN, inculding, but not limited to rude comments, a too busy office, lack of appointment times, and a general lack of concern or treatment for my PCOS. I finally bit the bullet, and last week I went to a new doctor... who is AMAZING. The minute I mentioned my PCOS diagnosis, he gave me a laundry list of site to visit and made me stop trying to justify my attempt to lose weight, saying, "I'm not going to yell at you, girlie, I believe that you're trying. That's the best thing you can do!" Also, after hearing my history with Patrick, subsequent horrible doctor's visits, myriad of blood draws and tests, he decided we were skipping the small stuff and going straight to... Clomid.

First off, it's nice to have a doctor who listens to you. And believes you. And takes the extra minute of the appointment to look at the paper proof you've brought with you. Secondly, I'm grateful that he's not running a ton of his own tests. He trusts that the blood draws from 2 months ago are recent enough to run on.

So, what does this mean? Well, today marks day 6 of Provera, to force a period. Then, on day 5 of said period, I start the Clomid. On days 9-16, we're a once a day, every other day couple. Then, we wait. The dreaded 2 week wait.

My hope and outlook are much brighter, knowing that I'm being heard. Even though seem like it yet, I think it's slowly improving my marriage, in that my mind has been freed of my baby worries for the time being, so I'm able to think of other things a little more rationally. After a loss, the quest for another baby consumes your entire life, sadly.

I'm trying to be rational, I know that it won't necessarily happen right away, and results/chance of pregnancy improve over time, being on Clomid, but I can't help but be cautiously excited at the possibility that in another month or so, I could be seeing a positive pregnancy test...

A few things...

First, YAY for new tattoos! I finally got my tattoo for Patrick, and I love it.



Second, I'm working on dessert for tonight, taking pictures, and since we do Sunday Dinner up right around here, I'm going to try to start posting some pictures of it each week. Tonight... chicken breasts with crab stuffing, garlic cream sauce, noodles and green beans, and pina colada cheesecake for dessert.

How am I gonna wait that long?!?