Saturday, June 13, 2009

I haven't posted much, but today seems like a good day...

Some days are harder than others. I've had a lot on my mind lately.

I'm excited about moving (YAY!) but it hurts my heart to know that we should have been using the second bedroom as a nursery. Things are going according to the plan I had, minus the baby that should have been coming into the world to reside there, too.

It hurts to know that I was excited about spending my birthday on Monday feeling my baby kick the crap out of me. What a sweet birthday present that would have been. But no.

My head is full of emotions I can't even explain. It almost seems weird to be so happy about moving when I really just want to scream and cry, some days.

I'm doing better, but am by no means back to whole, and that scares me, more than anything. Because I don't think I ever will be.

I was talking with a co worker on Friday about how I always had these big plans, things I wanted to have done by the time I was 30, and now that's just a year away. And none of it's done. That's just plain depressing. And I never really feel different on my birthdays, as much as you'd think you would. Until this year.

Monday's going to be tough, I think. I should have been preparing to be a mom... not waking up every morning to take my temperature and log it, wondering when, or even IF, I'll get the chance again.



  1. I'm sorry. For what it's worth, happy birthday. You're in my prayers.

  2. You are in my thuoghts & prayers. Try to keep your chin up & happy birthday!