Saturday, July 9, 2011


I've been thinking a lot, as I approach the end of my marriage, about closure on things. And I'm thinking that it might be time to find a final resting place for Patrick's ashes. I have such lovely things to remember her by, and then a little ceramic box sitting next to those things, with a plastic baggie full of... her. That piece is a downer. I've been afraid to scatter her ashes, afraid that whereever I choose to do it, I'd end up moving, not be able to go there, and that scares me.

This might sound like a crazy idea, but I am entertaining the notion of taking little amounts of her ashes, and scattering them in places that have good meaning for me. Places that I might have wanted to share with her, things like that. Is that odd?


  1. Not at all odd. I completely understand your fear of moving, it would almost be like you were leaving her all alone.
    Have you considered a piece of jewelry that holds a small amount of ashes?
    I'm not sure how I feel about them, but some are beautiful.
    I think what you are planning sounds amazing, and so sweet to share places special to you with her.
    I do feel like it will offer a sort of closure for you, too.

  2. I actually do have a cremation pendant, that I wear most of the time, it is a small butterfly with a bit of her ashes in it, so that helps, but I'm still having a hard time letting go of the rest of them...

  3. Honestly, I think you could have a memorial service for her. Make a collage poster of the things you hoped to do with her once she was born. Make the top half the things you thought about doing with your first baby: either the boy or girl; and the bottom half the things you grieve not being able to do for/with just HER. Invite some good folks to come and listen to your memories. Then let them perhaps take time to welcome her, and then gently bid her safe journeys into a blessed afterlife.

    Why? Because memorials are for the living. It's our best moment in time to express the fact that we are more than just a brief life that falls into decay and ashes. That there is a faith in more ahead (even if YOU may not share it - it's your support people who can help you find a way to trust in THEIR faith perhaps). It's also the best way to restore the truth: she was HERE, and it MATTERED.

    It's not macabre. It's a celebration of life, and an honorable farewell to a beloved one.

    But you don't HAVE to do anything that feels wrong or unnatural. This is YOUR daughter, and your experience. Do what your heart tells you to.
    Whatever you decide, it will be the right thing; because you're a wonderful Mom. You cared, and you welcomed her. That's all any baby could ask for ♥.


  4. I like the idea of the ash scatter, btw...and I forgot to say that (ooops!).