For a while, I barely thought about it at all, but now, a month early, I find myself thinking over and over again of March 19th. I'm scared of how I'll feel that day. I took off work... I don't necessarily think I'm going to be that bad, but... I don't want to spend the day remembering, AND getting screamed at by customers.
Truth be told, I can't even believe it's already been almost a year... it flew by. I learned a lot about who I am, and about my marriage. I learned a LOT about how Will and I both handled a major loss (and it was shocking, how differently we do). I learned that patience is the only thing that truly helps one through. It's ok to lose your mind sometimes, your family and friends, the real ones, will stick it out with you. No matter how much you shut them off. I learned all about that this year, as I lost friends who decided that my lack of attention to them had everything to do with them, and nothing to do with losing my child. I'm learning that life isn't always perfect, but there are good things to be had in every situation.
And I learned that when Will and I make babies, they have his chin, and my nose.
Hopefully someday I'll be able to see if they'll have my hair too. ;)
R.I.P. Patrick. Thank you for making me a mom.