Check that off the bucket list...

I can now officially say that I have driven through the middle of Manhattan, mid-day. And I thought Chicago traffic was bad...

You remember when you were taught to pay attention? Yeah, I guess I don't...

While on a trip to New York for work this week, I had to ride the subway to my destination (a first for me). Now, I'm used to Chicago L trains. Color coded, you stand on the BLUE PLATFORM to take the BLUE TRAIN...

I had no idea that when you hit up the platform for the 4 train in New York, the 2, 3, and 5 also stop there. So PAY ATTENTION to the sign on the side of the train. I ended up two stops down before I realized my oops, and then went I went to rush off at the next stop, I totally ATE IT on the concrete in my haste to exit the train.

Since I'm typing this, I very obviously survived, and I made it to my destination (45 minutes late), but I'm pretty sure a little piece of my pride is left down on that Atlantic St. platform. LOL!

I'm determined to write more...

Sometimes, I think I'm a bit guarded on my blog. I worry about sounding negative all the time. So I write nothing.

Truthfully, I'm a bitter bitch lately. We're on the Clomid, I'm temping, and using OPKs, and I'm already tired of it. I look around at people who have 2, 3, 4 kids, and have no problem getting pregnant, and I want to scream. I would have thought that after 2 years, a little bit of the bitterness would go away, but it just seems to be getting worse by the moment.

I am substantially horrible

at having anything remotely interesting to say.

Perhaps it's because I have the same thing on my mind, all the time? Maybe it's just a lack of anything interesting to write about.

I'm mentally blocked, for this venue. Bleh.

Ugh!!

Blood pregnancy test negative, back on the Provera. 2 cycles of Clomid left, at 100mg. Back on the Metformin. Starting to question how far I'm willing to go for this. Not a good day. I know that many other people have been through far worse in their quest for kids, but mentally, I'm draining fast.

Eff you, Jillian Michaels...

Did the 30 Day Shred last night. Now, I'm not planning on doing the program in just 30 days. You see, (and this is not excuses, just facts), I am too fat to do her program fully.

Hear me out.

She claims jumping jacks can be done by anyone, as well as pushups. Um... have you ever had a good 50lbs of straight up FAT bouncing up and down on your midsection as you do your jumping jacks, Jillian? It causes a wave effect, so boobs also fly up, and even the best bra can't keep a set of DD's down. And it just plain HURTS. The skin pulling like that, I mean.

Also, pushups are really shitty on someone how has carpal tunnal in both wrists.

On the flip side, I do love the circuit training/muscle confusion method, because I don't get bored and it goes pretty quickly. I don't mind the abs routines, or the strength training, because it burns, but I can make it through, and do the exercises properly.

So for right now, I plan on alternating the 30 Day Shred, and a weight loss yoga DVD I have. Until I can comfortably (ok, well not COMFORTABLY, but without feeling like my giant stomach is going to fall off) do the jumping jacks. The pushups are just something I'll have to keep at too.

Then, Jillian Michaels, I will accept your challenge fully.

Pushing forward....

After I got done bitching on that last post ;) I made some calls. I'm moving forward with another round of Metformin, and am running to the OB/GYN for a blood draw tomorrow, to try to figure out why in the world I still have a bunch of negative tests, and no period. Keep on chugging, I guess!

Will starts his new job tomorrow, so there is much excitement in our house tonight! Making him his favorite bacon pasta for dinner. If I am ambitious enough, perhaps I'll take some pictures and share this awesome, yummy recipe!

I hate doctors...

I had my appointment with the endocrinologist yesterday. First of all, his staff, and he, was extremely rude. He yelled at me 3 times. COME ON. Also? His diagnosis is completely different from my PCP, and he wants me to do another blood draw. Seriously? I'm done with this. One doctor says I can't take Metformin while trying to get pregnant, another says I can. Both of them give me this, "You're not trying hard enough to lose weight" attitude, while my OB/GYN says I'm working hard, and the PCOS is what's working against me. The Metformin makes me shit my brains out (sorry if that's TMI), even after taking it for a month or more, my stomach does not adjust to it.

So, I have options. I can call the nurse at my PCP and ask her to refer me to someone else, but that will be another wait for an appointment, and another $40 co-pay, which I'm not really in the mood to waste, after wasting it on a rude doctor. Or, I can call the nurse at the PCP and tel her to just have him refill my stupid metformin prescription, and deal with shitting constantly. Which, you know, works out perfectly for me, seeing as I spend half my life on damn airplanes right now.

On top of it all, my chart shows ovulation on CD14 (which is consistent with my Clomid use) but I am now on CD43 with a bunch of big Fat Negative pregnancy tests, and no period in sight. So add in a call to my OB/GYN today to find out if he'll do a blood pregnancy test for me, so I can do another round of Provera, force a period, and then another round of Clomid. What sucks about this is that the Provera takes a while to work for me, so effectively, this "1 month Clomid cycle" is going to turn into 2.

We've been TTC for 2 years now, and it's an interesting experience to see the looks on the faces of the people who, when we first lost Patrick, had the audacity to tell me, "You're still young. You have time."

2 years down the tubes, people. 2 effing years.

And, to add insult to injury, someone screwed up paperwork for the laparoscopy I had in January. So, even though I couldn't even schedule the procedure until the physician's group approved it, when the actual bill hit the group they denied it (more than likely, a clerical error), and so I got a bill in the mail from the hospital for $21,265. Which doesn't worry me, because I know it is covered, but is still another hassle that I have to waste time making phone calls to correct.

I miss the days when I was just HEALTHY. FML.