Saturday, April 23, 2011

I'm determined to write more...

Sometimes, I think I'm a bit guarded on my blog. I worry about sounding negative all the time. So I write nothing.

Truthfully, I'm a bitter bitch lately. We're on the Clomid, I'm temping, and using OPKs, and I'm already tired of it. I look around at people who have 2, 3, 4 kids, and have no problem getting pregnant, and I want to scream. I would have thought that after 2 years, a little bit of the bitterness would go away, but it just seems to be getting worse by the moment.

1 comment:

  1. Don't feel bad about being bitter--I so appreciate your honesty and wish other people would have the guts to stop whitewashing everything. It doesn't help anyone when people downplay their feelings or act falsely positive. What you are going through sucks. There's just no way around that fact. And it's okay for you to feel the way you do.

    I was lucky to have three children, but I also suffered a miscarriage in between each --and almost miscarried the third child as well. I remember sitting in the emergency room bleeding heavily and waiting for a doctor to get around to seeing me. My sister-in-law waited with me until my husband was able to get there. There was another girl there who also thought she was having a miscarriage. She was 15 and left with nothing more than a bladder infection. Meanwhile, I'm married, pregnant with a planned-for baby, and I'm the one that miscarried. Then to have it happen a second time, and almost a third--I was beyond bitter.

    People would tell me I was lucky. They'd say stupid things like, "Well you should focus on what you DO have" or "You can always try again" or "It could be worse." Yes, I was aware that others had gone through way worse things, but hearing that was not comforting at all. In fact, it only made me angrier. Their comments minimized the sadness and anxiety I was feeling, and ultimately made me feel more alone. I'm sure you've endured similarly obnoxious comments.

    I guess the point of this ramble is--don't feel bad for feeling how you do, and don't feel like you need to put on a happy face for us. What you are going through is significant and real and you shouldn't have to minimize it.

    Hang in there,