I will admit, I have felt very sorry for myself today. I've cried a few times today. But what makes me cry the most is knowing that I was so very blessed to have held my sweet little girl. As badly as it scared me, I'm glad she gasped for air. Because it means, if only for a few minutes, I got to see her move. I don't have to have only memories of her being so eerily still.
I'm not a religious person, but a part of me believes that I would not have been given the gift of being a mother if I didn't deserve it. Even if it was only for a few moments.
The part that KILLS me, though, is not being able to hold her ever again.
I've been thinking of you all day and wanted to send you a message saying Happy Mother's Day, but I didn't want it to upset you. I know all ofthis has been extremely rough on you but, saying that, I am astonished at your strength and perseverance. I know in my heart that soon, you will have another child to hold in your arms and be the best mom in the world. Keep up the challenging work, and know that you have a beautiful little angel on your side that will always love you as her mommy.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of you today, as well. Happy Mother's Day, Jamie. You deserve it as much (if not more) than anyone.
ReplyDeleteJamie,
ReplyDeleteIf my own tears could take away your pain, then i'd be chipping away at it right now. I'm not religious either, but I have to have the mindset that we aren't given more than we can handle, and special people are chosen for special babies, and more importantly special little girls.
Happy (late) Mother's Day.