Wii Fit is de debbil.

Day 41. Clear view ahead. WHAT. THE. F@$!?!?

C'mon, mother nature, I know you're in a gifty mood. Pass along the worst gift ever, and move on, so's I can get on makin us a bebeh.

And F the Wii Fit. F it right in the A.

Day 37. I hate my reproductive organs.

37 days? For pete's sake. What a pain in my butt.

There's got to be something going on here...

I just don't feel right. Part of me is wishing it's cause I'm pregnant, but the other part of me thinks I'm not. I'm irritable, crampy, tired, and achy, I really hope I'm not sick. There's just no good explanation for how I'm feeling other than being knocked up, and it's too early to tell on a pee stick if I am. What a pain in my ass.

I'm too impatient for my own good. I know this, but I can't get past it.

I did, however, make quit the life statement to my mom last night. I flat out told her that I know that everyone else seems to think I'm nuts for wanting a baby so bad, and I've been letting everyone's opinions affect me, but...

I'M 29 YEARS OLD! I'm a fucking adult! Let me do what I want! It's not like I'm 16 and trying to get pregnant. I'm well beyond the scary oops years. We've been married 2 years (anniversary is 1 month from today) and we're finally on our feet, and things are going pretty well. We have our ups and downs, as every marriage does, but that's just life. And I'm tired of waiting around for other people to tell me that what I am doing is "right" or "wrong". Fuck 'em. I'm doing what I want. And what I want, at 29 years old, is to start a family. This is definately not a strange desire.

2WW, hurry up and end!

TTC, DPO, 2WW.... a girl could get lost in the acronyms...

So, we only pulled off one attempt this month. How sad is that? BUT....

The one attempt landed on my O date.

Dear god, I mean, I knew I was fertile based on CM, but we picked a pretty good date to do the deed huh?

Now we wait. Argh!

I am continually amazed at the lengths people will go to to make themselves feel better...

Like the guy, this morning, who told me I was "snotty" and "talking to you is like going to the dentist", all because I was nice enough to tell him that buying a new machine would be cheaper than having his ancient one repaired. Oh, and he kept calling me "sweetheart", in a snotty tone.

Oh, and the neighbor I mentioned yesterday, who got upset over the note on the car? She CALLED THE LANDLORD! LOL! Who promptly emailed me and told me she was fine with me putting parking notices on cars, but that I should have asked the neighbors if their cars were there. Um.... I knocked on everyone's doors before I did it... maybe the snotty Coach-carrying yupster should have answered her door. (Although, in hindsight, I really should have known that the silver Volvo was theirs, haha).

Then again, I doubt she could hear it over the sounds of her children trampling around her apartment like elephants.

There is no greater feeling...

...than a sense of completion.

Everything in my life lately has been one big ball of uncomplete, open ended events. Completion is something I get little of.

AF showed up today. Thank god. While a positive pregnancy test would be grand, I just don't want to have any mishaps again, and since I'm still in the middle of all this testing, this is a blessing in disguise. Now onto bigger and better things - like "practice" for the main event. ;)

On the issue of getting unpacked and settled into the apartment, well, that got put on hold in favor of quilting this weekend, but rest assured I will get back into the swing of things this week (only because my sewing machine is buried in the other room, and I need it to continue the quilt. HAHA). At least SOMETHING is motivating me.

I am also extremely thankful for the END of the Taste of Summer here in town. I resorted, today, to writing nasty notes to the people who parked in our spots, which backfired on me when I accidentally put them on the NEIGHBOR'S cars, and they got pissed. Well, sue me. At least I didn't call the tow company and have every car but ours towed. You didn't answer your door when I knocked to ask which cars were yours, so oh well. The neighbor lady hates me now, I think, but A) the note said "If you're not a resident of 910 Main...", and you are, so you should have disregarded any further text, and B) You can't tell me it doesn't piss you off when you have to walk 3 blocks with your two loud ass kids when these people blatantly disregard the private parking signs and steal our spots. Pull the stick out of your ass, lady.

I'm getting super frustrated....

So, welcome to day 41. What a pain in the ass. LOL!

See, here's my issue. I'm torn between wanting a positive, and wanting to wait another month or two to get this as of yet unexplained blood sugar problem I have under control. (I'm pretty dang sure, based on how I've been feeling lately, that I'm going to be handed a blood sugar monitor at my doctor's appointment next weekend).

The waiting is what's killing me. I can handle a negative. Hell, I've had three negatives in the last week. (Yes, I am obsessively testing). And I've felt not a twinge of anything when I see the negatives.

But with no sign of AF, I am starting to feel broken. Or... like, incomplete. Like a sentence with no period

See? Isn't that annoying? It's not the end of the world, but looking at that sentence, doesn't it make you want to draw a lil dot on your computer screen? ;)

I would just like some sort of definitive end to this cycle. I really don't want to get AF too late in the month, because, well, wouldn't that be some shit, being all moody and CRABBY on 7/31/2009....

And speaking of... the day is fast approaching. I'm not sure how that's affecting me yet. It's SO SCARY to think that right now, I would be :::GASP::: 38 weeks pregnant. I know in my heart I'll be a mom some day, but the reality of the fact that I'm fast approaching 30 is setting in.