Just some random thoughts...

I'm amazed at the peace I feel now that the cremation is over with.

The bleeding has stopped, for now. Let's hope it stays that way for a month!

And let's hope that the prescription I FINALLY got today helps the sleeping situation. I feel I'd be in a much better mental state with a few good solid hours of sleep in me! (The Long Island-induced sleep this weekend didn't count, since I woke up feeling worse than when I went to bed!)

Some things to think about....

I've been trying to sit down and write out a list of questions for my doctor's appointment on 4/16. But I'm at a loss. I know the two big things I want to ask are when can we start trying again, and if my next pregnancy would be considered high risk, given what's happened this time around. (I have a feeling that we can't answer that until all the test results come back). I'm also considering calling the high risk OB who delivered me, and who will be giving us the test results, if I haven't heard from them by the time I go to my follow up. I am really hoping that they don't want to send me back to that OB. I felt rushed out and left with very little answers, about my OWN health/well being. I felt cheated that I wasn't given any after instruction other than to watch for excessive clots, that I wasn't given an option of taking a few more days off work. No warning of how long I might bleed. Then, when I call to make my followup, they say I don't need one? Um, HELLO? I just delivered a 21 week old baby. I'm glad I addressed my own concerns and called my regular OB. The RECEPTIONIST didn't even ask my OB, just immediately said "Of course you need a followup!" Well, DUH.

Now I wait, impatiently, for my followup, and some answers.

He is home...

Will picked up Patrick's cremains today, and had my pendant filled and sealed. I didn't think I would be able to even look at the box, but I wanted to, and did, it's just a cardboard bx, with a big label with his name on it. That took a deep breath to read. I finally opened it to find.... a ziplock baggie. Don't ask me why I found that funny. All that heartbreak, all that drama, all that hurt, and pain, and worry, all rolled up into a neat little self sealing bag. Chew one THAT one for a while.

My son should not be in a box on my kitchen table right now. My son should be in my belly, warm and safe and cozy. But it wasn't meant to be that way. So, we ate dinner with him nearby, and a little part of him hangs near my heart. And breaks it over and over again. And yet, fills it with love, that I got to see his little tiny STOLEN nose (it was mine first!!) and daddy's big ears.

With one breath, he stole all of mine. But I can't cry today. It feels like it's going to come, but doesn't. I don't he wants me to cry today. It's a good day, he is home.

On the flip side, I had a yummy before bed snack of a caramel apple, topped with an Ambien chaser (no, my prescription did not get filled, I just have a generous grandma, on the same meds). I'm off to try, once again, to get some much needed sleep. And perhaps let out a few of the tears brimming beneath the surface.

This song just describes me right now....

I've always loved this song. Hell, I've always loved Tool in general. A line from this song is planned as a tattoo on me one of these days. But today it's striking me even more.

The Patient

A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.
But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.
Wait it out,
Gonna wait it out,
Be patient (wait it out).
If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.
If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.
Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.
And if there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may.
Gonna wait it out.

One week already. This hurts.

Holy ta tas!

Well, the inevitable is happening... I'm growing porn star boobs. Yep, here they come. Never in my lifetime have them been this big, or this firm. It's amusing, until I realize that they are attached to me and they HURT LIKE A MOFO! And they like to knock things over.

I wore a tight bra to bed last night, plus wrapped a giant ace bandage around myself. When finished, I looked like a fat man. HAHA. While Will was at work, he got some cabbage and brought it home for me, so I'm going to try the cabbage leaves in the bra trick at night - we'll see how that goes - NOT looking forward to that!

My butterfly pendant has shipped and I am crossing my fingers that it gets here by Wednesday - I'm now kicking myself that I didn't just pay for the faster shipping. I would prefer it to come in before we pick up Patrick's ashes from the funeral home, as they have offered to fill it for me when we go there, and truth be told, while I have been handling things quite well, I think having to pop open the bag of my son's ashes and scoop some out would be more than even I can handle.

Here's hoping these last few things will fall into place, and the boobs will calm down a bit, and we can just move along through the grieving process.

And on a lighter note, the March of Dimes Virtual Band in Patrick's name is now up to $525! I can't believe it!

Trying to sort my thoughts.....

We went to the funeral home today. The funeral director (who is a friend of a friend) was really nice, and gave us a great deal. God, that sounds so wrong to say!! It was just nice to not feel like we were being taken advantage of or anything. Patrick's ashes will be ready on Wednesday, and they will also take care of filling and sealing the cremation pendant we bought as well. It was a hard trip to make but I'm glad it's out of the way.

I started to pack up some maternity clothes that I hadn't quite grown into yet. I don't think I will need the pants anymore either, there's already a difference in fit, and I hadn't gained much to begin with. So, no time like the present to get back onto the diet I was on pre pregnancy. I felt like the weight I lost was what got us pregnant in the first place (2 years of unprotected sex with no result, I lose 25lbs and suddenly we were pregnant... what do you think??) So it's time to get back on that. Perhaps it will help for next time...

I am confident there will be a next time. We were never trying and I think we will go back to our same method of letting fate decide what is best for us.

Here's hoping that fate decides sooner than later. In the meantime, I can focus on what's getting me through this - raising money for a good cause. The March of Dimes page in Patrick's name has raised $505 so far! What an amazing, generous gift, and most of it from people who don't even know us, and have just been following our story here through this blog.

I will never forget, ever in my lifetime, the generosity of strangers. And I plan on telling my future children all about this as well, so maybe they'll be inspired to give back someday as well.

Wow. Just wow.

The amount of love is amazing. Everyone keeps telling me I'm the amazing one for going thru this so strongly, but I disagree. I think it's the people who are coming together to do something so generous and wonderful in honor of people they've never met.

http://www.marchofdimes.com/howtohelp/b.asp?band_id=47580

What wonderful people these are. As of now, this has been open for 2 hours and already has $300 in donations! What a wonderful way to help us realize that something good can come out of something so sad!

One more update...

He weighs in at almost exactly 1lb. He's getting pictures and footprints done now.

I should be ready to be released around 3pm. At that time, our beautiful baby will head off to be autopsied. Hopefully between this and the genetic testing we've asked for, we can find out a little more about why this happened.

Then, a funeral home in our town will pick him up and prepare him and cremate him.

A friend of mine who knows my love for butterfly jewelry found the most beautiful creamtion pendants that you can seal a loved one's ashes in. I plan on buying one shortly so that a little piece of my baby boy will be always close to my heart.

The rest of the ashes, I plan on having a tree planted somewhere, in a local park maybe, dedicated to Patrick, and spread his ashes there.

I'm ready to say goodbye to him and go home. It's too much being here, I need to go home, and bawl my eyes out, and sleep, and wake up knowing that he's a happy, healthy baby now.

It's a boy!

Patrick William Oliver was born today, 3/19/2008, at approximately 9am. He has his daddy's chin and ears, and mommy's nose. He is absolutely perfect, and is at peace.

The chaplain came and baptised him.

Thank you for your prayers. Right now he is being photographed and they are taking footprints for us. Then I will spend some more time with him before being released later this afternoon.

WE HAVE A SON!

Praise God for the precious moments we get with him today!

More drugs...

Contractions are getting stronger, lasting about 30 seconds now, and not much of a break in between. They're not unbearable, I can still talk my way thru them, but there's just no break. So I'm asking for more drugs shortly. I am to get another pill inserted around 9:15a, while I would love it we didn't have to do another round, I have a feeling we might still need that one. Time will tell.

HEHEHEHEHE

Dilaudid is quite a nice drug. I'm feeling much better right now, a bit drunk. I'm having what I am thinking are contractions, but I've never done this before, so... they're not painful, but a bit uncomfy, lasting only about 20 seconds or so? a few minutes apart.

This waiting pretty well sucks ass.

Quickly

i only have one hand to type, so updates will be short. IV is in, drugs are in. I have the urge to laugh uncontrolably. i dont remember what they gave me. the pain was all in my back so it was time. next pill in 15 minutes, pray for progress......

We are still waiting.

I took my Ambien and it helped a lot. I was able to fall asleep fast, though I woke up a lot. At about 1:15am our new nurse came in, Shawna, along with the doc to do the next pill. Still a fingertip dialated, no real progress, the doc figured out that for some reason the last pill didn't dissolve fully, so she had to DIG IT OUT.

My poor, poor cervix. Yikes!

Put in the next pill and I was able to go to sleep. Until about 20 minutes ago, I woke up with the most intense pressure and pain I've had yet. I took a deep breath and tried to keep calm and then it dawned on me, these aren't really labor pains.... I went to the bathroom and sure enough, diarhea has started (sorry, a bit TMI) but this is a good sign. It means things are progressing as they should.

No increase in pain, just pressure. Like, sorry, but a fart you can't shake loose. Very strange.

So far, I am not a fan of Shawna, the new nurse. The other two nurses didn't push me about having an IV, but Shawna is pushing me to do it. In my drugged state last time around I agreed to do it on this next go round, but I'm going to question it when she comes to do it around 5:30a. I have yet to ask for a single pain medication, I'm drinking my water faithfully, I don't see a need for it, especially not "just in case", they're very uncomfortable for me, so I think I'm going to argue back on that one.

I would really like a cheeseburger and a cigarette at this point. I'm getting quite antsy. We've been here at the hospital since 9:30am, with induction starting at around 1pm, so we're at about 15 hours so far. They said 12-24, 12 has come and gone, so now we continue to wait...

One mroe quick update.

i was just checked and I am a fingertip dilated. You can't really think about things in terms of normal labor, with something like this, I've been told that pretty much out of nowhere I will know that baby is coming, and baby will be there shortly after that. the cervix just kind of opens - not like a traditional labor where it's in gradual stages.

Still, progress is good, and I'm thankful for it.

They're bringing me some Ambien to help me sleep. I haven't gotten much sleep since Saturday when all this started, and only 2 hours last night. I need a clear head to deal with what is to come tomorrow.

If you don't hear from me again tonight I have fallen asleep, and if you don't hear anything by morning, hope for us that it means our baby has been born and passed, and we are enjoying the peace and quiet with him/her.

Round 3

The next round will be coming in shortly. I am sad to report that over the last hour, hour and a half, the mild pains I was having? Yeah, they've gone away. I'm scared of this dragging out forever. I just have to hold onto my patience for now.

We had visitors for a bit, hence my actually PUTTING THE LAPTOP AWAY for a few minutes. We're over an hour from home, so I know not many will be able to come visit, but I know they would if they could.

And I swear I'm going to have Will sneak me in some solid food here soon. My stomach is growling so loud... and Will's outside having a smoke, so I'm alone, nice and quiet in here.... and then my stomach growls and I wonder if the people in the next room can hear it. Dang echo.

I'm still calm, and getting tired. I didn't sleep much last night. I'm going to attempt a nap in a bit, after this next pill. I'm starting to get a little scared of how much worse the pain will get. It's really nothing at this point, and that seems almost too good to be true. LOL!

And another update...

Cramping isn't necessarily worse, but but is more pressure now. Almost like a bad gas or bloat. It is moving a little into my back, which is now achy, and that's not so fun, but I'm ok. Our good friend Sandy is on her way here with her boyfriend Brian. Hopefully that will amuse us for a little while.

Round 2....

The second pill (well, pills 2 and 3, this time my dose was two tablets) were inserted around 5:15p. Cervix is not dilated at all and is still long. The second round didn't seem to make the cramping any worse, but it is moving around to the back a bit in addition to the front. The nurses keep reminding me that I can have something for the pain anytime I want it, but I have had worse menstrual cramps. So here I sit, trying to find ways to pass the time. A lot of friends have been hopping onto Yahoo IM to talk with me, it keeps me pulled into the real world for a few minutes.

I'm so blessed to have the thoughts and prayers coming my way that I do. I am more at peace than I thought I would be, at this point.

Shift change.

Our first nurse, Colleen, is leaving now, she was very sweet, and we'll miss her. Now a new girl, I think her name is Kathleen? I see nothing wrong with her thus far. Time will tell. My food, however, has still not arrived. Getting cranky, but so far, the cramping/pain isn't any worse. It's easier than a lot of my period cramps, actually.

Time will change that, I bet.

Some random things I am noticing so far... that stand out to me.

There was a girl in the waiting room this morning reading a magazine from the BACK to the FRONT. Very strange.

When they opened the door to our room, there could have been an electric chair in here and I would have felt the same as I did walking into a regular room.

Surprisingly, we've been here for almost 3 hours now, and I'm quite calm. The first dose of medication (which I cannot for the life of me recall the name, though I knew it off the top of my head earlier, but is a small pill inserted onto the cervix), was put in at 1pm. This will happen every four hours as needed.

I don't have an IV, I decided not to put one in until I felt I really needed pain medication, if at all. I'm not in pain, but I am noticing some twinges here and there, and a sharp pain every once in a while, but nothing unbearable.

Unlike some other states, IL does not require the baby to be given anything to stop its heart before the procedure has begun, so as far as we know, baby is still kicking in there. It's hard, at this point, for me to differentiate between possible kicks and twinges of the uterus. we've still got a long way to go. I have asked to not have the fetal heart rate monitored. I don't want to know when baby goes. I am trying to keep that part as peaceful as possible, and keep the memory of that strong heartbeat we last heard as our most recent one.

I'm on a clear liquid diet right now and I am STARVING, I've ordered some food (chicken broth, yay) and I will keep on updating as I feel it's necessary, if have something to say.

Keeping busy and updated...

I've always been the type of person to write out what I am thinking. It helps me process my thoughts, and I like being able to remember stressful situations by reading them, rather than my grasping onto them in my head. The idea of losing the memories upsets me more than thinking about them.

That being said, we leave in an hour, and I'm TERRIFIED. I'm taking a notebook to journal things in case we can't get online, but if we can, then I will update on this blog here. Anyone who cares to read it is welcome to.

I got out the blanket and bear I bought for baby, and they're ready to go with everything else. I really am looking forward to having pictures of the baby with them, and then being able to hold those things anytime I want later. It comforts me already to think about it.

I'm just praying that when this all finally happens, that baby will be at peace, and we will also find some peace in this, and baby is not in any pain.

Trying to keep a record, for myself if anything else...

Today I spoke with both a counselor and a nurse. I am set up to go in to Evanston Hospital at 9:30am tomorrow morning (well, now today), Wednesday, March 18th. We will have an exam, and medical history, then talk to a counselor again, and then go to Labor and Delivery, where they will begin the induction.

I hope, for you, my sweet little baby, that things go smoothly. That there is no pain. That you are finally able to be free, to not be cramped and constricted.

I can't wait to find out if you are a boy or a girl, if you've daddy's nose, or my eyes. I can't wait to see you with my own eyes and see that I was right - that you are perfect in every way, and just not ready to be with us now. i want to see your 10 fingers, and 10 toes, and be amazed at how tiny and yet how complete you are.

But really, I just want this to be over and know that you are ok.

I love you so very much, little one. And I always will. I thought I loved you when I got my positive pregnancy test, but it really happened when I heard your heart beating for the first time.

I will never, ever forget you.

I can't believe I am writing this....

We had our follow up u/s Monday. After showing us in careful detail what we were seeing, the doctor laid things out very clearly for us. The details are a bit fuzzy, since I am still in shock, but the gist of it follows....

There is NO amniotic fluid around our beautiful, sweet baby. Baby has developed normally in size and weight, but the doctors cannot find the stomach (probably due to the fact that there is no fluid to be ingested), and of the 2 kidneys, one is missing, the other is deformed. this is the possible cause of the lack of fluid, since I haven't had any leakage. The cord only has 2 veins, instead of 3, which also has probably contrbuted, and while the heart RATE is strong, because of the lack of fluid, they cannot get a good shot to determine if the heart is developign properly.


The options that were given are few, and not good. We have been told that at this point, the baby's been without fluid for a confirmed 2 days, but possibly up to two weeks, based on my last appointment where I felt "small". Since we know the baby is the right size, we have to assume I felt small bcause I was lacking fluid. We have been told that the chances of the fluid replnishing itself at this point, well, it would be a miracle if it did. The most likely scenario is that the baby would eventually pass away inside me, at which point we would have to induce.


The other option is to terminate. We can do this by a D & E, or by induction and delivery. We've decided to deliver. This way, we are able to have genetic testing AND an autopsy, to give us the msot insight as to why this has happened. Plus, I feel like if my baby will die, I would rather it been sooner than later, I don't want to prolong it, and I can possibly give birth to a living baby, even though we know that will not last more than a minute or two, if we're lucky. But DH and I feel like if the baby will die no matter what, we would like it to happen with us, and not in a D & E. And not prolonged.


We will finalize the date and time tomorrow, and it will be within the next few days.


Thanks you, so so so much, for all your prayers and kind words the last few days. I am in shock and disbelief, but I know that fate prevails, and I know this isn't our last chance. I would rather it happen now than go longer and have a baby survive only to be plagued by problems or defects and live a harder life that way. I'm not a particularly religious person, but do believe God has a plan for all things, and this must be it.


I apologise for typos, or weird grammar, I don't even really know what I'm writing right now. I know I am only halfway along, but those tiny little feet have been kicking the sh*t out of me for a few weeks, and I talk to baby every day, so now I just have to keep telling baby that soon, everything's going to be alright, that he or she will sn have room to move again, not like now. Not cramped with nowhere to go.


And now the sobbing is starting again, so I end this with another thank you. I've gotten so many kind emails over the last few days I can't even begin to name you all.


I don't wish this on anyone.

I am so scared...

I've felt helpless before, but I've never had another life inside me. I've never had a medical problem that I knew so little about. Granted, the doctors don't know much either at this point, which is the whole point of going to a specialist, but it's frustrating.

And worrying about work is a joke. I KNOW I shouldn't. This isn't something I can control. But being the one who carries the insurance, and the one who makes more money, I'm concerned with losing pay, and with upsetting work. I know my boss, Cheri, is a reasonable person, but there's that worry in the back of my head. I like this job. I can see it being a long term thing. I don't want anything to screw it up. It's a great setup for both now and after the baby is born. And it's a job with security, we're hiring while so many others are firing. That's comforting to me, in these times.

I need to stop worrying. It's not good for the baby, or me. I'm just so full of questions, and already tired of being in the house. I don't know what I'm going to do if they put me in the hospital. I'm terrified of them. I could handle it to give birth to this wonderful, sweet little baby, but for something like this, it's just something that I'm not prepared for. I'm afraid it soemhow was my fault that this is happening.

I love you so much already, and I've only been able to hear your heart beat, little one. (Here come the tears!) It almost makes me MAD, how can you love someone so much that you've never seen, only heard a single, tiny, quick little heartbeat? I pity men. They'll never know what this is like. Sure, they get to hear, and see, but it's just not the same.

my "big" ultrasound should not have gone like this...

I had my big ultrasound this morning, and things did not go well. The tech immediately asked me if I had been leaking amniotic fluid, which I said no, because I haven't noticed anything strange. She then wouldn't tell me what was going on, so I cried all the way through it. She finished getting the shots she wanted and asked me to wait there while she called my doctor. Thank god my mom and Will were there, or I would have been hysterical. I heard her on the phone with the doctor and heard her say, with emphasis, a few times, the words 'zero" and "none". Then she asked me to get on the phone with him.

Turns out I have very little amniotic fluid right now, so the doc put me on modified bed rest at home for the weekend, drinking plenty of water. Monday I am not supposed to go in to work,, and call the office at 9am to get my referral to a specialist for another ultrasound. If the fluid levels have gone up, I may be able to go to work and just be on pelvic rest. If they DON'T, then I may be looking at a hospital stay to pump me full of IV fluids.

To top it off, baby was facing my back, and with no fluid, it was very hard for her to get even a clear shot of an arm, so I saw nothing of my baby at all. the only thing I DO know is the heart rate was 157. No pictures, no gender.

It was a disappointing day all around.

An update...

Will and I went to the doctor on Thursday. We were there FOREVER, which I expected, because I haven't yet gone. Thank god for health insurance finally kicking in! I was weighed (found out our home scale is off about 5lbs!!), peed in a cup (I hate doing that! It always goes everywhere!), had a ton of blood drawn, a pap smear (ugh!), and a long talk with the doc about medical history and whatnot.

Now for the not so fun part. Sherry (doc) said that I feel small, which leads her to believe that I may not be as far along as we initially thought. My due date is set, right now, at July 30th, but we go in for an ultrasound on Saturday, March 14th, and she feels I may end up measuring 2 weeks behind. Now, after doing some research, I'm seeing that it COULD be due to that... or it could be that my smoking is affecting growth. Yes, I am still smoking, albeit a lot less, but I'm feeling more guilty about it now that we've had a doc's visit and things are much more real. That, and smoking now causes the baby to move, and I'm starting to get a mental picture of my baby smothering inside me. So I think this is going to stop soon. Sadly, I needed something like this to really encourage me to stop.

The next fun part - I won't have appointments every 4 weeks like I thought, but every 3. Scheduling is going to be a pain, since I'm trying so desperately not to take too much time off work - they've been wonderful so far, and I don't want to jinx things by being off all the time. I'm up for a raise soon too, so I want to do everything I can to get the most I can, haha.

Also, my next appointment was scheduled 2 weeks out instead of 3. Sherry wanted it soon after my ultrasound so we can discuss the results. If I AM measuring behind, then I will still be within the window for the quad screen (for those of you not in the baby-know, it's a blood test, done on me, to determine the risk of having a baby with down's, spina bifida, and other birth defects and whatnot). However, if I am NOT measuring behind, and my uterus is just sitting low, then we will have missed the window for the test. What does that mean? Well, the tests only give an indication of the risk, but we will be giving birth regardless, we've decided, so more or less it would give us forewarning on any problems. Which would be nice, but we don't plan to abort or anything like that, so not getting the test isn't a huge concern for me.

Let's add on another stumbling block, shall we/ I am, obviously, overweight, and thus at high risk for gestational diabetes, so instead of waiting until about 28 weeks or so, I will have my 1 hour glucose screening on March 19th, I'll be between 18-20 weeks at that point. Basically, you drink a flat glucose drink they give you, wait an hour, and then have blood drawn. Testing to see how your body metabolizes the sugar. If I don't pass that, I will have to do a 3 hour test, and if I don't pass that, then I will have to monitor my sweets and whatnot. There might be more involved, it would depend on the severity though. Luckily, they gave the the drink to bring home, so I just have to make sure I drink it at a point so that by the time I get there, I'm close to my hour mark so they can draw the blood on time. Again meaning not as much time off work (thank god!).

But, of course, the most exciting parts were.... 1) we got to hear the heartbeat! It was amazing! Will says it sounded like a racehorse, haha, Sherry says it's strong and within a perfectly normal range (150's) which, if you believe old wive's tales, it's a girl, lol, but I'm still sticking with my boy theory. She also said next time if we want we can record it on a cell phone or something, which I am planning on doing, and then trying to transfer the recording on to one of those little players you get in a recordable card, to put in the scrapbook.

And, most of all, we go for our ultrasound in less than a week! depending on if I am measuring behind or not, I'll be between 18-20 weeks, so as long as baby cooperates, we should be able to find out the sex! So exciting!

And then there's the awesomeness that is.... we're tentatively planning to move on June 1st! So baby should have his/her own room, and mommy and daddy our own space. THANK GOD!

As far as the other updates, well, I am thanking my lucky stars every single day that I am having a pretty easy pregnancy. No morning sickness (except for a day here or there), no weird food aversions or cravings. A lit of back pain, and a moderate amount of TAILBONE pain, and of course I still pee constantly, but i know I could have it so much worse, so I keep my mouth shut.

And let's not forget I have the mott amazing husband and mother in the world, who between the two, keep me happy and healthy and sane. I thank my lucky stars every day for those two.

So, we finally got around to seeing the new Friday the 13th. Thank god we had a free ticket. My popcorn was more exciting. But at least we can say we tried.

What a crazy weekend. Dropkick Murphys on Friday night, came home, got about 5 hours of sleep, spent all day Saturday at a funeral. Came home, Will was asleep by 5pm, me by 6pm. I know he got up for a bit that night but I slept straight through until 7am Sunday. Bummed around for a bit, took a shower, went to Noodles & Co. for lunch, then a movie, then home. PLayed some xBox, will slept, then he went to work. And I was off to bed. Fun but non stop. I'm tiiiiired still!

I GO TO THE DOCTOR ON THURSDAY! Soooooo happy about that one....

No cravings, heartburn gone, nausea gone, boobs don't hurt. Only gained 4lbs. Kind of getting nervous that something's wrong. :(